Key Takeaways for Parents and Caregivers
- Difficulty with eye contact is a neurological difference, not a behavioural problem or a sign of disrespect or lack of social interest.
- Forcing eye contact may cause significant harm: increasing anxiety, diverting cognitive resources away from communication, contributing to autistic burnout, and teaching people with autism to ignore their sensory needs.
- Autistic people may establish meaningful and authentic communication with others in ways other than through eye contact.
- Respectful alternatives to eye contact include redirected gaze, parallel activities, verbal affirmation, and honouring the person’s natural communication style.
Why Is Eye Contact Important in Social Communication?
In most Western countries, eye contact is considered a foundation of social interaction. When two people make direct eye contact during conversation, it’s often interpreted as a sign of engagement, honesty, attention, and emotional connection. From an early age, children are taught that maintaining eye contact shows respect and interest in what others are saying.
From a neurodevelopmental perspective, eye contact plays a role in how young children learn about social interaction and read social cues. Babies begin to follow faces and eyes within weeks of birth, and this early visual attention contributes to bonding with caregivers. As children grow, they use it alongside facial expressions and tone of voice to understand what others are feeling, to show they’re listening, and to build trust in relationships.
Is Avoiding Eye Contact a Sign of Autism?
Difficulty with, or total avoidance of, eye contact is frequently documented as an early indicator of autism. In clinical assessment, professionals often report challenges with eye contact as part of their autism evaluation process, as it may play a role in developmental pathways that lead to its appearance.
However, it’s crucial to mention that avoiding eye contact is not the same as being unable to show genuine connection or engagement. Many people with autism maintain meaningful relationships, demonstrate empathy, and communicate effectively without making eye contact. What’s also important, that not all people with autism avoid it, as some of them maintain eye contact, although sometimes with significant effort or discomfort. Additionally, some non-autistic people also find eye contact challenging due to anxiety, cultural backgrounds, or other neurodivergent differences such as ADHD.
The key point: Avoiding eye contact is one trait that may be present in autism, but it is neither a definitive sign nor automatically a problem requiring correction.
Neurological and Sensory Reasons for Difficulty with Eye Contact in Autism
There are two main reasons that contribute to difficulties with eye contact in autism: brain activity differences and sensory overload. Let’s go through both of them, so we can truly discover the why and how behind the eye contact avoidance.
Brain Activity Differences
Research using brain imaging has revealed essential differences in how autistic brains respond to eye contact. The amygdala, a brain region involved in processing emotions and social interaction, shows heightened activation compared to neurotypical individuals when making and maintaining eye contact. This reaction is not a sign of reduced social interest, but instead triggers an intense emotional and physiological arousal, as the eyes receive strong, overwhelming stimuli.
What’s more, this simultaneous action of both maintaining eye contact while listening to someone speak requires dual processing of different sensory inputs. For many people with autism, this creates an overwhelming cognitive demand, leaving fewer mental resources available for understanding what is being said.
Sensory Overload
Imagine looking directly at the sun. You naturally look away as the sight is too strong. For some people with autism, sustained eye contact can feel similarly uncomfortable, not because of rudeness or social deficit, but because the sensory input is simply overwhelming. Eyes can obtain intricate details, such as colour variations, movement, moisture, and reflection of light. And for people with heightened sensory sensitivities, this can be too much information to process comfortably.
This sensory sensitivity is not something people with autism choose or can simply “overcome” through practice and willpower. It is a genuine neurological difference in how their brains process sensory input. Asking a person with autism to ignore sensory overload and force eye contact is similar to asking someone with hearing sensitivity to ignore an extremely loud noise, as the discomfort cannot simply be switched off.
Why is Forcing Eye Contact Harmful?
Short answer: Forcing eye contact in children with autism may cause a painful, exhausting feeling due to sensory overload.
This is understood not only through detailed research, but also through the lived experiences of autistic people. Additionally, it undermines communication, as people should be diverting their cognitive resources away from the spoken information and toward the significantly discomforting act of eye gazing and eye tracking. This approach doesn’t improve their social skills, enhance social functioning, or help them fit in better – it’s unnecessary and ineffective.
Social Anxiety
For many people with autism, being pressed to make eye contact amplifies social anxiety instead of reducing it. When a parent, teacher, or therapist insists on eye contact, the person may interpret this as criticism, as a message that something about them is wrong or unacceptable. Over time, these social expectations can create deep-rooted anxiety around social interaction itself, and it can follow them into adulthood, creating barriers to forming relationships and engaging in communities. Additionally, it can feel invasive or even threatening, like a violation of personal space at an intimate level. As such, rather than building social skills, forced eye contact often damages the person’s sense of safety and confidence.
Nonverbal Communication
Many people with autism demonstrate genuine connection and understanding through nonverbal communication that doesn’t involve eye contact. They do it through consistent loyalty, detailed attention to a person’s interests and preferences and genuine honesty in relationships. So, when we insist on eye contact, we send an implicit message that these other valid forms of connection are insufficient or inferior. We prioritise a single social convention over the person’s authentic way of relating to others. This can make people with autism feel that their natural communication style is fundamentally flawed, leading to shame and disconnection.
Autistic Burnout
One of the most serious consequences of forcing eye contact is autistic burnout. When people with autism are repeatedly pressured to make eye contact, they are engaging in “masking”. They are suppressing their natural response and forcing a behaviour that contradicts their neurological comfort. This requires sustained cognitive and emotional effort, which accumulates over a more extended period, and can lead to autistic burnout, shutdown, or meltdown.
Can Eye Contact Skills Improve With Therapy or Practice?
This is an important question that requires a nuanced answer. Some people with autism might develop the capacity to maintain eye contact for a brief period or in specific contexts. However, this improvement typically occurs when the person is motivated by their own goals rather than by external pressure, such as forced eye-contact practice, shaming, punishment, or reward systems designed to increase eye contact.
Eye Contact as a Preference, Not a Deficit
If a person with autism expresses a desire to improve their eye contact capacity for their own reasons, therapeutic support can be valuable. This might include working with a speech and language therapist, clinical psychologist, or occupational therapist, at the person’s pace. Importan to mention here that this process does not eliminate the underlying sensory or emotional discomfort; it simply increases the person’s tolerance or capacity to engage with it for limited periods.
Respecting eye contact as a preference rather than a deficit aligns with principles of dignity, autonomy, and acceptance. It allows people with autism to build confidence in their own communication style.
What Are Respectful Alternatives to Eye Contact?
There are many ways to demonstrate engagement, attention, and connection without maintaining direct eye contact. These alternatives can be incorporated into daily interactions and various social situations.
Redirected Gaze
Rather than insisting on gazing directly into the communication partner’s eyes, allow the person with autism to look for a focal point in the eye region, such as the mouth, nose, ears, chin, or forehead. This approach, also called “pseudo-eye contact,” allows the person to process visual and auditory information without the intensity of direct eye contact.
Parallel Activities
Doing something side-by-side rather than face-to-face can be deeply connecting for people with autism. Examples include going for a walk together, working on a shared project, or sitting together while watching something. This setup reduces social pressure and often facilitates more relaxed, genuine conversation.
Verbal Affirmation
Instead of relying on eye contact to seek engagement, use words. Ask directly: “Are you listening?” or “Do you understand?” Listen for verbal responses that demonstrate comprehension. For non-speaking or minimally speaking people with autism, look for other indicators of attention, such as facial expressions, body orientation, or use of alternative communication methods and tools.
Respecting Natural Communication Style
Allow the person with autism to communicate in their preferred manner. Some may prefer written communication, some may choose typing or augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) devices, and some may communicate through gesture or facial expression. Honouring these preferences demonstrates respect and often leads to clearer, more authentic communication.
Autism Support with Unique Community Services
At Unique Community Services, we respect neurodiversity and value people with autism for who they are, not for how closely they conform to neurotypical people’s social expectations.
For example, one young person we support had experienced years of pressure to make eye contact in various educational and therapeutic settings, resulting in significant anxiety around social interaction. When our team began supporting them at home, we took a different approach: we accepted their natural eye contact patterns and communication style, and worked collaboratively with their family to build a life where they felt safe and valued. Over time, their anxiety reduced dramatically, their engagement increased, and they began to thrive. They did not suddenly start making eye contact, but that was never the goal – their well-being, better understanding and authentic connection were.
If you’re seeking support for a family member with autism in your life, whether related to eye contact challenges, social anxiety, autistic burnout, or any other aspects of autism support, we’re here to help. You can find our offices in Manchester and Leeds, but we work all across the UK.
